There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person. Blaming is being told you did something wrong. Shaming is being told that there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or inadequate. Examples of shaming statements include:
· “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you”
· “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.”
· “You could never do what he/she does”
· “You’ve ruined my life; you ruin everything for everyone”
Adults shamed in childhood have the following 12 traits:
1. They are afraid to share their true thoughts and feelings with others.
2. They are terrified of intimacy and put up walls in relationships. They also fear commitment as they expect to be rejected.
3. They are often extremely shy, easily embarrassed, and are terrified of being shamed or humiliated. They tend to suffer from debilitating false guilt.
4. They struggle with feelings of worthlessness and believe they are inferior to others. They believe that is something they can never change as worthlessness is at the core of who they are.
Description: A’sare solid, sturdy people who seek honesty, truth, and wisdom. The first vowel, the A, is a hard worker. They do a great job, but if they make even one mistake, they feel they have failed. If you say to the A, “You’re doing great,” they continue to give you greatness. If you criticize them, they will rebel.
2. First Vowel E
Examples: Drew, Ethan, Eva, Elaine,
Characteristic: Need for freedom to celebrate life
Description: E’s believe in beauty; they want to bring magic to our planet. They are the detectives and like to uncover the mystery. They are often fascinated by Numerology because of their love of people. If they saw a homeless man, they would want to know his story. Unfortunately for them, since E’s are lights, they often attract ‘bugs!’ E’s might get drained if they take on the wrong people. E’s like to look good, and wants the people around them to look good too. They have a critical eye. The goal of the E is to never have an unexciting moment. They hate to feel trapped or controlled. Free expression is everything to them.